Another day of looking pt.7

This is the first of this Saga to be done in school.... I don't know why but school just gets to me. I have like mini mood swings here. Its annoying. I was ok in my house, shy and bothered by my attire when I left my house, the same when I got here and then boom. I just suddenly feel.... blah. If not depressed. I don't like 2 use the word depressed when describing how I'm feeling but nothing else seems to cover the feeling. I don't even no why. I was praised in class for the beat that I made which kind of annoyed me and I'm not going to go into why because along with this feeling comes a great laziness that I don't like. It makes me tired. But the odd thing about it is that it isn't laziness of action, but its making me lazy when it comes to thinking and explaining. I mean I'm like that in general but not this much.(OMG too much candy in the morning....Affecting my stomach and head....Damn you addiction) Like usually I would have more to say about a subject, serious or not(mostly when its serious) and I'd just say the things that would make the conversation shorter. I'm glad no one catches on....(you reading this, which I doubt, do not pay attention i'm lying) Anything and everything I can I chose carefully. I don't know why but I'm the type of person who pays attention to the words people use. And this part I can say freely because even if people did pay attention to the words that I use they wouldn't exactly know what or why i used them :D I do like certain things that I do. I guess I do try a little to be mysterious. Well not really....Thats one of those things that I do but don't notice until after exactly what I'm doing, Like I'm mindful that I'm carefully choosing the words but it doesn't really dawn on me why until after. OMG I'm sooo tired. Its making my head hurt..... I'm just glad i ain't seeing things kuz thennnnn its bad. So I'm kool. I'm gonna complain a lot on here because I'm gonna cut down on how much I complain in person. HaHa I'm gonna admit that I admire somebodi in this school. Can u guess who??? For those who don't go to this school(I don't no y ur reading this because it isn't interesting lol) but message me and I'll let u no who.....And ppl that do go here don't get slick.
~We're still at war~
The quote of this admittance is: "God likes you because he has to. everyone else just thinks ur an ass."

Another day of looking pt. 6

Well I'm sitting here looking at my keyboard and again I do not feel like cooking though I am doing it anyway. Well I'm done cooking and I'm ready to sleep but my mother says I can't go to sleep until after I eat. Why it makes a difference I have no idea, but now I'm wondering about college stuff since it has taken over my mind. Well that and life questions in general. But I've actually started to semi take this college stuff a lil seriously. Bet people are glad to hear that. AWWW my teacher was soo sick. She looked so little. My mother side was about to come out. She was soo little yet a grown ladi at the same time. Odd one she is. But hm... I don't really know what else to write. I'm extra tired. I think I shall sleep now.... Food or not.
~We're still at war~
The quote of these sum of words: "Think of yourself... Think of others... Then laugh your ass off at them."

Another day of looking pt. 5

Todai todai todai......was a beautiful FREAKING dai. I mean that seriously. I like 2dai.... and yesterdai..... Fridai was iight, but saturday and sunday is seeming so lovely. 1st off. I'm anticipating monday so this week went slow as hell which I love kuz I don't like school. So the longer my weekend the better. Then on saturdai I was babied which I loved. I made everyone give me hugs!!! I was around alot of people so I got a lot of hugs. :D Then I got home and Scooby-Doo came on back to back. It was on everywhere!!! Scooby-Doo movie and then Scooby-Doo2.... I was lovin it. Even though I was tired as hell I still stayed up and watched MY BOO. Then 2dai I got to sleep in late..... I woke up at a I donno time and my stomach was killin me...I was paralyzed for a good min but it was right when I waking up so that part of the day doesn't matter. I got up had me some pasta(alfredo)and got on my komputer where my friend informed me of the football game that was on with the Jets(who I like and WOn) and then another game with the Giants(who I like and who WOn) It was a oh so lovely day. I enjoyed it. I watched football allllll dai. But I'm tired..... I haven't even been up 12 hours and I ready to sleep. How shameful. I've been watching MGS stuff alllll week. And that has gotten me through some stuff. I love it. It's soooo funny. ^_^ Laughter is such a beautiful thing. Ah and on saturdai I went to a workshop and talked about what I found funny about saw to people that don't like horror movies and were eating.... It was truely lovely. WAnna know my favorite part??? Its the part where the guy had to put his hands in the glass boxes above him but the part that he had to put his hand in was like the thing that u have to put a straw in. So when he put his hand in it was like little glass triangles pointed at his wrist. So he'd try to pull his hand out and be like "ow". I found that soooooo funny. Both of his hand was in two boxes above him. So he had to just stay there. That was soo funny. Poor guy.... Nothing is ever as easy as it seems LMAO. Ok Maybe somethings..... But your being tortured.... Did you really think it'd be "that" easy. I mean come on now??? The guy who likes to play mind tricks on everybody would give u a key and the antidote that would save your life in two glass boxes and all you would have to do is stick your hand in there and pull it out??? I don't think so.... Lol I'm so mean. I haven such demented humor, but I love it. Everybody know who's gonna be the only one laughing at the movies watching SAW5..... Thats even if I go see it. I don't like 2 b scared lol. But my day was wonderful and I wish the Saw experience on no one. And I shall end my day laughing and listening to music...
We're still at war
The quote of this episode of words is: "Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity"

Another day of looking pt. 4

Todai was an interesting day filled with interesting conversations. All in all todai was a good dai. I'm just not feeling good kuz I went to the wrong Chinese store and wasted 5.50 for a messed up stomach lol. I actually kind of liked todai. It was short well the school part of it was.... I have no idea why I said certain things. I no y i chose the person but not y i did it in the first place..... made me feel kinda silly :P. All I will say is that there are many things wrong but even more things right. And for todai and hopefully tomorrow the things wrong wont exist. I think about things too much. The main thing that iggs me is that I don't know exactly wat i should talk about... I don't want to talk about little things, but I don't exactly know what is little and what is big. It may seem big to me but it may actually be small. Or it may be big and I deem that other ppl may see it as small so i usually just dismiss it to the back of my head. Thats wat I do most of the time... until it bothers me to the annoying point. I have to stop doing that lol. @_@ so konfusing lol. This song has me in such a peaceful state of mind I love it. I'm madd tired. But I feel good =3
~We're still at war~
The quote of this piece is: "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind"

On The Dai That Never Happened

OOOOOOOOO........If your lips speak no, but your involuntary actions say yes; stop or go? Haha you ever wanted to write about something or tell somebody something that is bothering you without actually telling or writing it? I feel like that right now.... Something happened todai but it's just a little tooo personal. And this shall be pulled into the sagas of the days that never happened. Since I can no longer write about a day that never happened I have a question: If it is something that cannot be said, should it be something that can be read when written? I feel better than earlier and I have the people from my school(the class I was in when I got back) to thank for it. So thank you. Somehow being in people's company makes me feel better.
!We are still at war!
The quote of this entry is: "You don't have to love me. You don't even have to like me. But you will RESPECT me!"

Another day of looking pt. 3

Well back on the Another Day saga. I want to be sleep right now.... I really do. Me and Sleep have the sort of relationship that a girl would have with a boy that she likes but doesn't like her. If you get it yay if you don't -_-' I'm sorry for those around you. But any who, today I felt like a big baby. I was perfectly fine all day.... The regular fine(Yes there is different types of fine. Ask any emo :P)
I'm not emo or anywhere close just if the thought entertained your mind. But today in my last class which was English we were working on our personal statements. Now I have not finished mines for the simple fact that I have already passed the mark for the length of it so I was going to work on how to fix it. I had my head down and then SADE plucks me in my ear.... She did this the day before yesterday too why she likes plucking me in my ear I have no idea but I was about to rock her jump. (I really don't want to be cooking right now) So after she plucked me I jumped up mostly on reflex and a little on my violent attitude towards things. I forgot about the fact that there was still computers out..... next to me. So when I got up the chair and my foot hit a wire connected to the computer. I seen Sade was damn near out the room so I just deciced to just go put my head down until it was clear for me to get a computer, but then I get yelled at my Ms. Penny(not really yelled at kuz she can't yell for the life of her) but it was a yell for Ms. Penny. I got in trouble by Ms. Penny! This made me feel like an extreme baby(I had a flash back to 1st grade) so I put myself on time out. It was one of those time outs mostly meant for you than anything else. I really didn't want to do anything after that. I kept my head down until Ms. Penny poked me asking me something about my personal essay. Askin me if I had it.... I told her it was in my locker. She asked my if I wanted to go get it.... I said no I want to sleep. She told me to go and get it so I did... I gave her the paper and went back to putting my head down. By that time she was standing up somewhere else so she didn't really bother me. I said two things and put my head back down. Next to me Sonya was talking to some ladi that DJ knows. I don't know why I think Sonya had to get something but the ladi said somethig to me and it caught me off guard kuz I really didn't expect her to say anything to me. She asked me some stuff and we spoke for very little and I told her that Ms. Penny had my paper. And right when I said that Boom! Ms. Penny starts walking over. I started saying "Oh boy she coming over here" But in the same hush voice I was using talking to the Ladi. I didn't catch her name tho so I shall give her the name...... Daddies Ladi.... Or DL short...Or D Ladi...... But then DJ might think i'm talkin about her..... My geez. Somehow tho ppl seem to know when I'm talking to them when I say ladi..... But anyway! MS. Penny comes over and was like "Are you grumbling about me walking over here?" That was the kind of question that you'd ask expecting to hear the answer no.... But I'm too honest for that. I kindly said yes. And she made me talk about the essay......As I mentioned b4 the essay was far too long and some parts had to be cut out or shortened or something and Penny was aiming on doing just that. I asked to go to the potty while she twiddled with my paper. Honestly I went straight to the office because I needed some away time from the essay talk. I didn't not want to do it and I already felt like a kid.( Did I mention how much I DON'T want to be cooking right now?) Then after I was in the office for a minute or so I went and visited Adam the computer mister. I told him about what had just conspired downstairs when Ms. Arkins the college counselor ladi came in. I was telling Adam about how I DON'T want to be bothered about anything doing with an essay when the college ladi says...." If you need an extra eye for your college paper let me know." I know she means well and so does ms. Penny which is why I have nothing against them but that really irritated me. I just say i want nothing to do with it and you offer me help for it....*sigh* I need hot chocolate. But I FINALLY go back to find out she was H A C K I N G away at the essay. And the parts that she took away was the parts that made that essay mine. I'm not all that much of a writer but I am trying to be. I'm finding my own little style and as far as I know most of my style is my way for writing how I speak. My writing is more like a conversation than anything else. After she stripped away the "unnecessary" parts. I was left with statements..... Statement after statement after statement. If felt as if the "Me" in that had just been pulled away and that made me oddly sad. I put my head down and cried a bit..... I didn't mean too..... this was all after she had walked away and such..... it felt as if somebody had taken away my favorite toy and then just left me in the corner all by my lonesome....*sniff sniff* But I had to stop quickly when I had to pick up my head from the darkness of my arms to answer the call of my momz. She new it was something wrong, but I did not give in!!! I held up strong and say nothing! When she asked what was wong I said nothing! lol(I laughed kuz of how I said nothing. It reminded me of my brother.)But I was kool...Am kool. I just don't want to do that essay anymore because it feels like I can't put me in it for it to be good and fit into what they want...... And of course some one who reads this is going to say yes i can.....but i feel that way not think that way so it's different.

We're still at war
And the Quote of this blog is: Even "If the voices aren't real they still have pretty good ideas"

OOOOO.....its poem time

I'm here....
I'm here and I'm alive
Can you see these lies in my eyes
As my lies are surprised
By denial and these files that I'm spreading

I'm awake....
I'm awake and I'm looking
can you see you've been took by the taken
You look up and I'm waiting
You see smiles but I'm faking this attitude

I'm walking....
I'm walking and I observe
can you notice that you serve
You act high but you swerve
And you think you got nerve but I don't

You say that your the boss
and that your a G
but you don't see
that I'm the boss
and you work for me

Listen you've been lied to
I've turned you partners into enemies
Letting me get ahead you see
And you can't even get close to me
because I gave you the wrong key

You know the door
but you can't open it
You argue so much
you can't even get close to it

And even if you get there
you wouldn't know what to do
because your mad at one man
and the next ones' mad at you

So this is all going to my plan
because you think your the man
And with that mindset you don't understand
that you can't and I can

Which Way 2 Go

I've always tried my best to stay neutral in most situations that I'm not directly in. Today I chose a side..... That makes me feel some kind of way. To keep myself, myself I have to listen to "Your Love Is My Love" by Whitney Houston over and over again. It remind me of when I was extra young and everybody would try to figure out what she said in the middle of the chorus. We of course never did because we didn't have a way of finding out other than listening to the song over and over listening to that one part. That didn't work so it's ok. I could look it up now, but I just don't feel like it. I suppose I should to put that part of my mind at ease. Ok I'm sitting here writing trying not to pay attention to how irritated I've actually become. And its time for me to change the song. I was wondering if I should go with violence in the song or sweet music..... I chose I Get High(Good Times) by Styles P. I have no idea why I love this song soooo much. I've been listening to this song ever since I was I don't know how old. Its one of those song that I heard when I was little and didn't know nothing about it. Then when I heard it later on I was in Love with it. If you understand that I'm glad because I'm not in the describing mood. OMG EVERYTHING is irritating me. I think my computer just jumped back in time because everything just repeated itself. Whatever. I'm supposed to go out with my homeboy today for his birthday.... I don't want to be unpleasant around him on his birthday. I mean I doubt I would be anyway but still. I don't even feel like going over there. I'd love to be there.....just not go there. I'll see if I go or not. I might just go be a little hoodlum today and roam the streets for awhile..... Its cold....maybe not. I think I'm gonna eat some food, eat some cake, take a nap and then eat some jello...... And then go to sleep. Playing games is gonna be somewhere in that little plan of mine...
~We're still at war....~
And the quote of this poem is: "Your just mad because I'm crazy and they still love me"

Addressing the State

Hmmm......Well I was talking to my sister Terry and she actually had me thinking..... She asked me if I saw women as a minority and did I see myself as a feminist. At first the question made my head hurt, but then we started talking about it and I came to realize that I do see women as a minority in cases of power which was the context of which she was asking. I already knew that I considered myself a feminist. I met an author that was a feminist and she wrote a book on it. I wanted the book, but I couldn't buy it at the time. She had read the first few pages of it and I loved it. I wish I could remember the title of it. But yeah she also asked me if the word feminist came off as aggressive. And when I thought about it, it does. But I know about the word and feminist people and it's not what everybody thinks. Its not like " Oh we hate men. Women can this. Women can't do that." It's more like......hm.... I can't explain it well but it's not aggressive at all. I think I'm going to see if I can look up the book, but if its anything like In A Country Of Mothers I'm going to jump off my 16 floored building. But its type late.....I think I should go to bed before my mother gets home and I get a hell of a yell. O_O LOL yeah ok...... Oh the war is still on.... No battles 2dai tho.... I think I might start the book tonight......OR maybe not considering how tired I kind of feel. Night night people. Quote of the blog: "Every one is entilted to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege"

The War Is On AGAIN

OH. My. EVA-LOVIN. GOODNESS. PINKHAzE is back at war. Spending money and time on warfare is not my thing but it cannot be avoided sadly. I thought that that whole block war was done with....Nooooooooooooooo. Wrong Sir! It was paused Sir. We went from jealous songs(from the biddies) to the violent songs, to the slow songs. You know the ones that talk about life and the economy and all that other stuff. Now we're on violent songs again. Only this time it's full blown recklessness. Ahh these people are going to drive me crazy. They punched my daughter in the face and tried to jump her! OMGoodness are they serious.....I think they are. They started with my little buzzin. They are so serious. They were bystanders in our war. Insurgents as the media would say. They'd be tight if we went down there and beat up their little cousins. I was ready to go!!! Not beat up the little cousins, not that I wont fight a little kid, but I was ready to break they door down. I mean I was about to before and the person next door was about to call the cops....smh@ people that don't know nothing. They had just jumped and cut my buzzin. I went to break down! that door. The mother is going to act like she didn't notice that "4." Let me say that again...."4" of her kids just snuck out the house. I've been around kids all my life. There is no way that "4" kids leave your house and you don't hear the difference.... They ain't the quiet type. Not in the slightest. This is what actually happened because we know how they get down. They saw my buzzin going about her business by herself(she was coming to find me and my sisters) and their mother sent them to jump my buzzin. Then after they did they ran their over sized selves back in the house and the mother called the police to make them seem innocent. Two cops came and we knew the mother was about to lie because she wouldn't talk to the police in front of us. I swear people these days. When the 2 cops got there at first they was neutral and then kind of on our side because we had told them what happened before she got downstairs. And when the police came to my fort in the war zone I was safely at the store :) When me and my sisters calmed down enough to be around cops and people we went back to the fort. We get and there was so many people around. Oh my geez. I thinking ok this should all be settled. Nooooooooooooooo. Wrong Sir! The police was against us Sir. My buzzin just got jumped, her knee was cut, and we was supposed to do nothing when the police wasn't going to do anything? I think not. Negative Sir. They was like 2 completely different people....I wonder what went down in that house....ewwwww never mind I really don't. But!!! This all happened over the summer. And here I thought if was gonna be over. Like I need more things more things to happen. See it wouldn't be bad if it was like one fight happens its over with. NOOOOOOOo SIR! I wouldn't mind. But no....they like to jump people, hide in their houses and if we knock on their door they pop madd ish out the window and call the police.... *sigh* Such a hassle. One time one of the girls told me she was gonna break my skull open with the bowl she has in her hand in her "window." I oh so tight one time because I went and sat on their stoop. That made them so tight, but my sisters had to pull me out of the gate and I went with them because I knew that was trespassing. I hate war and I was going to be a peaceful as possible but they're getting reckless so they must be shut down. I'm feeling mean.... First we're going to take her boyfriend away. Which is the stupid reason why it started!!! She was jealous that my sister waved to her boyfriend and said hi. How stupid is that. I guess the girl ain't like even before that or something but she just started jumping her because she's jealous that her boyfriend likes my sister more that he does her. We don't fight over no boy. Especially those that we're not interested in. Its all just too stupid, but she started jumping people so we can't just sit there and let that pass. But back to the plan. First one of my sisters is going to bag her boyfriend. We already have people by her house. We have people by the other house that she goes to. All it is, is just a matter of time. This is going to end I shall see to that. And the police is getting me tight because they're not doing anything. All they say is that we shouldn't do anything.... But I'm going over there today so we'll see whats going to happen. All I know is that this is "not" going to be a repeat of the summer.....

Another day of looking pt. 2

Todai I was actually going to do work. I was actually hyper about the project. I was all set... Until I go to look for the CD. It was nowhere to be found... I wonder what happened to it....I bet somebody misplaced it. I know where I put it. Sadly it wasn't there when I was going to burn my CD so I had to go out and buy my own. I was cool. I was hyper again. I believe it was the music. I love my music. And then it happened. "Yo, yo son. I want you to do this for me." OMMFG! Why is it that everythime I "WANT" to do something that I need to do somebody has to bother me for something. I almost NEVER want to do anything that I have to do. And the extremely rare times that I do want to somebody HAS to bother me. It NEVER fails. I feel a nap, bath and hot chocolate is in order. Not in that exact order but all of that must happen before returning to that place of forced labor(school) tomorrow.....well in 8 minutes todai. And I got a headache.... I think I have to place notes all over the ladi of the house's room in order to remind this ladi that all doctor is in order(not that they do anything, but it'll give me something to do dealing with my headaches) Random thought..... I think my grandfather is going deaf... The T.V is always extra loud except when he's going to sleep....O.O.....But then he might just be trying to play us because everytime my friends come over all of a sudden he has the hearing of a normal person... Somebody said that he reminds them of uncle joe off of Madea. I don't think so but hey who knows. I really want some hot chocolate, but sadly i'm too lazy get my big self up and wobble to the kitchen to put some water on and then get up again about 3-5 mintues later to make it. *sigh* Being lazy can be quiet a hassle. Now I'm going to take a nap.... I'll write again when I get up.....Maybe.

Another day of looking

I'm sitting here knowing that I should be doing my project, but for some reason I feel like I can't do it. Its odd. My mother keeps telling me "do your project" over and over as if it's that easy. I think about it over and over again as if somehow me thinking about it is gonna make it any easier. Honestly this project isn't even that hard. Everything lately seems like a life obstacle. I can't seem to get into a writing mood anymore. Everything is weird. I have to find something to get hype about....Ideas?