Sunday, January 25, 2009

Where I'm From

I'm from the place of oodles of noodles
The place of Skelly courts and handball
Basketball sounds is my alarm clock
The police is the snooze button
RnB rap reggae and soca dress me in the morning.
Manhattan skylines are out my window.
Close as if I can touch them in the morning as the sun rises over the buildings.
Walk in to the kitchen I see walls that reflect every house in the building
I smell bacon emerging from the microwave as I look into the home of kool-aid
I enter the living room of generations
To blast the same song that echos through everyone ears in every house
I walk back into my kitchen
And look back in my fridge as if hoping to see something new.
I leave my house and get in the elevator with each floor being a different smell
Fried chicken, curry, ribs, fish,  macaroni and cheese... so many
Step out a broken metal door with a magnet that don't work.
See the area that looks like a mini family reunion
Little kids running around. Parents yelling to get their point across.
Older kids running police following. Onlookers being nosy.
See the same group of people that you  hang out with every so often. 
Its night time and you feel the wind picking up
You watch those sexy figures pushing and shoving playing basketball.
Well Some sexy and some you just wonder why. Can't help it
You feel the vibrations in the air from all the moving on the ground.
You hear echos of a fight breaking out
Already expecting to hear rings in your ear.
Just move to the next basketball court or sneak in and out of the fight area
Whichever happens you still get a good show.
Meet up with your friends, hang out some more.
Get tired spilt your ways and go in the house
The window becomes your eyes and ears to the live hood
Whatever happens, happens and you go to sleep to wake up and do it again.

~The Prexous Dark Diamond Angel~
~Angels Sit On Klouds~ But not this one

second chances

I've been given a chance
And then another one
And I can't understand why
I'm telling them I'm not ready
I let them know that I can't
There's disappointment in these fingers
And this mind won't make you proud
So please stop with this faith
That I don't understand
And stop with this trust
That I haven't earned


Its too early to be writing lol. I just woke up and this was the first thing that came to my mind.(And yes I get up play my game in my room and then get on the computer) Its a habit :-P But it really is too early. I didn't expext to wake up at this time. I'm so shocked lol.... Latre People

Saturday, January 24, 2009

How easy would it be to disappear
Could I tuck my head in between my legs
And pray to turn invisible
Could I stick my head underground
giving me the feeling that i'm in the dark
and my body doesn't exist
could I sit in one spot long enough
Till people forget I'm there
They disregard me already
So what the hell are they looking for when they see me
What do they hope to gain when I speak
I'm already invisible to them so why don't they just completely act like it
I'm only seen when they want something
What the hell are they searching for?
And seems like invisible people have all the answers
because we have invisible words
which people shape to be whatever it is that they want to hear
And then your slapped with the fact that...
Its not easy to disappear.....

my question is: what the fuck did I do? i really wish they would tell me kuz this shyt aint fair.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

older things

I wanna tell but looks deceive
I wanna act but fears proceed
I'm lookin back all eyes on me
I'm nervous and bittin on my sleeve
I'm skippin service no rights for me
And I'm tryna change waiting patiently
But its still the same so I try to leave
So I takin all the blame till I leave finally

A past journal entry

I have a lot on my mind lately. They're causing me to have a lot of strange feelings and its kind of leaving me lost. And its weird when you feel strangely about something that most people don't know about or care about. Now I have to learn about the Asia-Africa relationships. I want to know how they are towards each other in general. Like I already figured that America has no friends , only allies. They mutual relationships with people and they wont help unless its it benefits them. I also figured out from talking to my sista that even if we stayed together as Pangea we would still be class divided. Maybe we'd be without all the slave stuff, but we would still end up somewhat like this. We'd all just be a lot closer. I mean there would be some big differences but the main class thing is given. We figured that one must win and one must lose. One must be rich and one below. Equality can not be. When people say they want something most of the time they don't mean it for it's full meaning. If people want to make everything equal we'll be running around with a bunch of retarded people because technology isn't advanced to make everyone smart. It's quiet sad really. For people to go around saying that my generation isn't smart people as a whole arent that bright either. But putting all that aside... Well not all of it but most of it. But the whole race thing is just enough to make me start to cry. I mean its like being.... no its just that. Your being taught something all your life and then you find out it was all based on something just to put you under. Or to be told that it actually doesn't exist. "Thats madd brazy" And these are just the really general things going through my mind. Wow I'm saying this...well writing this like this is an actual person. Well it is in a way. Is a book meaningless if nobody reads it? So all it is, is a message holder. A way to say words without actally saying them. I smile when I think of that.

Wow...Looking back on the things I wrote years ago makes me think... I used to think about these things? I guess I was involved in more things then. Now all I think about is the massive amount of work I didn't do..shoulda did and have to do. I haven't been having those conversations with my sistas that talk about life and society in some deeper meaning. All I've been doing is sitting for hours trying to do work, but not getting any done because I see how much I actually have to do.

thoughts at 1:27-49 in the mornin

At this point and time I have so many things going through my head. I amaze myself at how much I think about conversations I've had and what I get from them. As usual I wont be writing the main things things I want to write about because I never work that way but I am going to write about something important in my head. I've said it in my head a lot and maybe a little out loud to myself but...hmm I just lost how I was going to word it. But I know that things I'd rather not think about keep popping into my head. And when I think about it I'm reminded why I always kept to myself. I'm more open that I'd like to be and I'm finding it more and more difficult to keep to myself. That is a problem for me. I'd rather not speak and I wish from the pit of everything that I hold dear that I was a quiet person. I wish....I wish that I could change a lot of things about myself but it's not gonna happen. Sometimes I just want to sleep forever but its not that I want to die just that I don't want to think. I don't wanna remember and I don't wanna talk. At times I feel like I'm just taking up space. Ah... I should of went to sleep earlier because I'm tired now.

Quote: Life is like school...It test you over and over.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Hiru No Tsuki


This is a song from my past. And it makes me cry when I hear it in English and just get silent when in Japanese. Its so beautiful. The English text to text translation is beautiful as well. There's a different translation from text to text and from song to song. The song is called Hiru No Tsuki or Melfina's song from an anime called Outlaw Star.

In Romaji its(just the Outlaw star ending):

Oto no nai mahiru
Kaze wa tada akarui
Sukoshi nemutasou ni
Hanabira ga yureta
Nani ge nai kono omoi
Nee, hito wa donna kotoba de
Yondeiru no
Shiroi suna no tsuki
Toji kometa hanashi o
Hikari furasu you ni
Kikasete ne sotto

And translated its:

One soundless midday
The wind was fresh and clean
And the flower petals
Swayed as if they were asleep
This serene feeling...
Tell me what's the name people give it?
Tell me a story
That's locked away
In the white sand of the moon
Let me hear it as gently
As light shining down.

And when she sings it, it goes:


I don't know
What words I can say
The wind has a way
to talk to me

Flowers sleep
a silent lullaby
I pray for reply
I'm ready

Quiet days
Calms me
Oh serenity
Someone please
tell me
hmmmmmm
what it is they say
Maybe I will know one day

I don't know
What words I can say
The wind has a way
to talk to me

Flowers sleep
a silent lullaby
I pray for reply
I'm ready

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I was odd

I wanna write something.
And not just anything,
But something that says something meaningful.
I want heart rates to speed up at my work.
And I wanna give life to my ink
so my paper becomes life itself.
I wanna see the words inbetween the words
and I want others to understand them.
I want the pulse to echo echo
Like thunder at night time while your sitting in the car
and paranoia picks at the back of your mind about the road ahead.
And I want you to think of my words.
I want them to play through your mind
Till they spill out of your mouth by accident
but surface to other minds on purpose.
And I want truth in my lines.
Maybe not for me but for you
Kuz me writing this I realize
And its ok stuck in my mind
but it doesn't do a thing ringing off my walls.
So speak when not spoken to
Listen when they aren't speaking
And act when out of place
kuz that's where the attention is

Monday, January 12, 2009

The Dayz

Today I'm pissing millions of people off one after the other and I'm enjoying myself. I'm in a good mood. And now I'm doing my work so people calm down. Yesterday I role played and my friend watched and it was fun. It was good as well because she gave me ideas on what to write.

Kitty: Ichira: *smiles weakly*...Y-yeah...:Ketsueki: *walks back with two dead demons over his shoulder*...*blinks* "You girls look comphy." *smiles* :Haitori: *sleeping*...ZzZz...@_@
Angel: Midori looks at him, "We're gonna eat a demon?!....as long as I don't sick. Your carring me if I do." Midori gets up and lays Haitori down and walks by kage and pokes the dead demon. Duran looks at Ichira, "I wonder what they're up to"
Kitty :Ketsueki: *sets the demons down and laughes abit* "We eat em in our village all the time don't worry." :Ichira: "Well if he's trying to win her over...food will definitly do from what I know..." *blinks*

Angel: Duran laughs a bit as well. "Food is the key to everything." Midori looks at him and rubs her stomach.."OK...I'll take your word for it." She smiles.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Just my fingers moving

I just feel like typing. Its a lovely feeling. I think its partly because of the song I'm listening to. Its called "Only one way up" The beat to this song is sooooo poppin its krazy! Its just makin me wanna write. I just feel oddly happy. I don't even know what I'm happy about. I have a good feeling, but it's odd. It feels like something is going to happen. Not something good but not something bad either. I think its going to be something I'm satisfied with. I feel like I need to write, but I don't know what I need to write about. Like I just need to keep typing. It just feels good. Like the first time I got my computer and was able to type on it without my hand cramping. I just feel odd. If i saw somebodi that was acting how i feel on any other dai I might be disgusted. I find this very funny. I have the type of speed with typing like when I'm having a conversation with people. Maybe faster since I'm messing up as much as I am. I wrote that sentence without messing up. Not this one tho. I felt proud of myself for a short moment. I think Imma stop, but oddly I don't wanna. Its not really odd but I like that word at the moment since it sums me up at the moment. I need to type more and this is sad because it's the one time when I don't know what to write about. This is making me laugh on the inside. Ha Ha. I need to find something to write my geez. Its funny I don't feel creative in any way but just like I need to type.

Another day of looking pt.8

Well I think I'm liking how some things are turning out. This college stuff has been iggin me for awhile. Like really running my mind. I don't no how many days I've sat in front of my computer looking at the screen trying to do work. The day everything was due I actually felt good. I have to thank unsaid persons again, but it kind of felt good to actually get work done. After so many days of trying but doing nothing it felt good to do something. Then I thought it was done but it wasn't and again the looking at the screen again started. I'm lazy again. Oh Boi. Things have been kalmly quiet lately and I like it. I mean theres echoes around but the source is no where near me. It feels nice to only be able to write about normal aggravating things like college processes. I can smile that smile thats from somewhere inside me thats satisfied. That smile that you don't even feel yourself make. It's just nice and I'm in a good mood. Filled with emotions, but I'm still very pleasant for the moment.


Rap Quote: I'm ahead of you kuz I spit like I neva ate. And If I did I was never full.