To Whom It May concern( Different)

I don't know when it was that I started to wonder if you were concerned.
I guess to most I may seem detached at home.
Sitting there on the computer all night with the music drowning out the world.
But your not supposed to fit into most.
Part of me wants to be left alone, but part of me wants you to wonder.
To see something other than a child breaking day.
To question the insomnia that chills on my shoulder.
Bo no. I'm greeted with a "maybe you should of went to sleep earlier."
Instead of a "why are you up all the time."
As my best friend you're supposed to dig deeper.
I feel a separation coming the closer we stay to each other.
I feel some type of what when I have to title this to whom it may concern instead of dear mother.

-interesting note... I started titling letter to whom it may concern because I saw it so much on my mother's letter to my school for various things, trips.. late notes absents ect.

To Whom It May concern

The only thing I can say is sorry. I've been trying to do right by your faith in me...
Sadly I have failed. There isn't any excuse. I'm not even brave enough to say this to you. So I've left these words of apology in this. You invested in me and I couldn't even pay you back by using what you've given me. I'm angry at myself for disappointing you. I couldn't and can't focus. Its not meant to be a excuse for failing simply a fact of what is. I haven't bean able to for over a year now. I need to take a step back because I can't push forward anymore right now. So again I say sorry, but thank you so much. I'm extremely grateful for everything. Even if it doesn't seem like it.

Release

Oh man.
I just need to express something.
Doesn't have to be myself
Just something
I have that itch to write
and It has me jumpin in my seat
squirmin in my jeans
Grinnin through my teeth
I can see words leaving my hands
I can't read them nor do they make sense
I just see them
Like they need to be released
I keep lookin at my palms
Like those words are gonna imprint themselves on this screen(drop)
And what else can I do but listen to the sound of the keyboard
And(Rain) bob my head
This writin is lyrical
Musical
This shall be incomplete
because I feel incomplete
Needing to write, but havin no idea what to say
its like itchin somewhere, but not knowing where to scratch.
I needs me some worded release.

Fail of the Day

Night Time

It's heart beats under my feet.
I'm owing this street.
Mines to play with
Mine to beat.

Its always there; pulsing
Alive and loud.
Hectic and flowing.
Glowing.

Inviting the skyline to join it's rhyme
And its allure came with time
and who am I?
To deny myself this city grind

Its always here beckoning and calling
Its song playing my ears
while I peddle feeling it shift beneath me
Greedy

When I ache for that night life theme
pushed and pulled towards that nightclub scene
But I refuse
And enjoy this night time dream

This moon and this city is a rush
And I can't get over it
Not gonna let it slip away
Remaining a wanderer at night and a school girl by day

Baby goodness :3

A little glimpse of Crazy

I want someone to go, "Are you ok?"
So I can scream and blow up.
No im not ok!
I want to scream and cry.
Pull out my hair and laugh at the same time.
All of this hidden by a tired look.
Look into my eyes and you'll see this glimpse of crazy.
I want to bend something till it breaks before I do.
Im sleepy and im slippin.
I can't be bothered with spelling grammar.
I need to make my point across.
I am fucked up.
And I don't know how.
I'm confused and nothing makes sense.
My sense is senseless.
I feel like a painting of a collage.
Made to not fit together.
Almost but not quiet there.
And If I pull out anymore hair!
There will be more than a little glimpse of crazy to see.
I have issues.
Don't we all?
Yes you too. You little seemingly perfect bastard.
I hate you. Well me...
No no. Definitely you.
Well I don't hate you but im confused.
I said that earlier right?
These emotion... Can I break them?
Do they crumble?
Break apart like boulders.
Maybe not. They suck.
They all suck. Even the good ones.
They never last forever.
One thing does though...
This glimpse of crazy.
This crazy. It definitely does.
That sucks too...