Baby goodness :3

A little glimpse of Crazy

I want someone to go, "Are you ok?"
So I can scream and blow up.
No im not ok!
I want to scream and cry.
Pull out my hair and laugh at the same time.
All of this hidden by a tired look.
Look into my eyes and you'll see this glimpse of crazy.
I want to bend something till it breaks before I do.
Im sleepy and im slippin.
I can't be bothered with spelling grammar.
I need to make my point across.
I am fucked up.
And I don't know how.
I'm confused and nothing makes sense.
My sense is senseless.
I feel like a painting of a collage.
Made to not fit together.
Almost but not quiet there.
And If I pull out anymore hair!
There will be more than a little glimpse of crazy to see.
I have issues.
Don't we all?
Yes you too. You little seemingly perfect bastard.
I hate you. Well me...
No no. Definitely you.
Well I don't hate you but im confused.
I said that earlier right?
These emotion... Can I break them?
Do they crumble?
Break apart like boulders.
Maybe not. They suck.
They all suck. Even the good ones.
They never last forever.
One thing does though...
This glimpse of crazy.
This crazy. It definitely does.
That sucks too...

The Stupid Things

So I'm on youtube looking at a video of The L Word. For all who don't know it's a show about gay people. But anyway I'm looking at the video and for some unknown reason I decided to look at the comments. I don't know why I do. All they do is make me laugh and piss me off all at the same time. Two things I should never read comments on is certain rap music and gay things. For some reason those two topics tend to attract the attention of people that don't like it. I'm looking at the video of the L Word and in the comments is things about religion and how being gay is a sin yadda yadda. My question to these people is... by watching the video aren't you taking interest in it? Or something like that. I can't reli understand why someone would want to watch something just to comment badly on it. And the excuse, "I'm just trying to help you find god... or whatever." I'm so tired of it. I mean I can deal with the preaching on the train because I believe that as long as they reach at least one person then their goal is accomplished, but on a gay youtube video? I'm sure, "You being gay is a sin and your going to hell." Will make anyone just stop what they're doing and march back on the 'right path.' Yeah.... Like anything is being taken seriously on youtube comments. If you feel that strongly about it march into a LGBT place and tell them.

It just annoys me that people just can't leave other people alone. If they want to be gay and merri LET THEM. If they're not tryna grab your ass shutup and leave them be. It doesn't effect you in any harmful way. If you don't like the fairies heres a thought.... leave. Don't watch the video. Don't go on the site. Don't listen to the music. Don't eat the cake. No one is forcing anything on anyone. All these religions focus on love and happiness. Forgiveness too. And for some reason we can't even seem to get those basics down...

Babies

Acapulco

Acapulco

This song is the summary of how how I feel at the moment. Very Laid back and calm. relaxed. It doesn't get at the tired part of me that's been taggin along this whole day, but that's fine. I'm really likin this song. Reminds me of this game named Yakuza. They play a song like this at one of the main bars you go to in the game. Very relaxing. I'd go to a place all the time if they played music like this. That just reminded me. I want to become a regular at a bar. Like the people you see on t.v shows where they're madd cool with their bartenders. But I don't drink so maybe Dave and Busters lol. Or some arcade. Or a lounge. I think I could pull that off. With a laptop and maybe my psp back awwwwww man! I'm in there. I need a hang out spot. Somewhere other than someone's house. It'll be interesting once I find one. For the days when the weather is too much to be outside. I have found my mission! :D

This Anger

I clench my jaw and mind since I dare not my fist.
I feel this feeling swell within me.
It sometimes brings tears to the corner of my eyes.
Sometimes My fist do close and I have to calm myself.
I simply open and close them over and over as a smile attacks my face.
I need to hit something.
To punch someone.
To kick my bed railing into the familiar dent in my wall.
I need my physical escape that is becoming harder and harder to obtain.
Fights are no longer an option.
And sometimes I wish I were ignorant to the reasons to fight.
Wish I could go back to the point where a step on my shoe could get my fist swinging.
The wrong words could get you chocked.
And yes this may seem a bit brash
But everyone forgets...
I'm a very violent person.
And very few know of this because I've tamed most of my violent ways.
But with every time that I lose to this Anger and punch my computer screen
There is more moments when I just try to let it go for the moment.
And it builds.
I feel it.
Inside me ready to break at any. Given. Moment.
And I fear that moment.
I push it away and welcome it at the same time.
Like peeing on yourself.
An unwanted release.
Good for the moment, but bad every time after.
And things are becoming harder to control.
Missing due dates- A bit of my hair is pulled out.
Computer messes up- A slip of the tongue.
Spelling errors- I bite my lip
After awhile I see the results.
There is enough stranded hair by my keyboard to rival that on my head.
And the fact that its not something I'm aware of doing
frightens me as much as it angers me.
Failing to catch my hand in time I almost broke my screen.
Almost because I reduced my force.
And I love it and hate it at the same time.
Catching myself.
Calming myself.
Sometimes I just want to stay mad.
To punch something and break it.
To kick something and feel it crack.
But the Anger is always outweighed by the reality of things.
As that happens more and more over the years
I know its a good thing,
But I don't know if...
If.. I want that good thing to continue.