Friday, February 25, 2011

My little lines

My confidence is expensive
Not like $200 red prada shoes and a Edd hardy hoodie.
Nah. Expensive like your whole area can't afford it expensive.
Like war on Iraq, twin towers expensive.
Like Eminem and jay-z rap battles beef expensive.
Shit even the discounts are expensive.
Not like i wanna buy playboy expensive.
More like i wanna buy the internet expensive.
But sometimes i get a big break.
Then its not so expensive...
Nah, like a $400 t.v a $250 PlayStation 3 and a $50 game
Like kicking ass in a manly game with manly music for manly men.
Like a $500 computer and $200 internet package.
Like catching perfect timing on a downloaded drum beat making one alive and amplified.
Sometimes its as simple as a stolen ipod and a downloaded song.

Moments

It's moment like this that i shouldn't think.
Where there are too many things floating around.
My mind like clear water. Different thoughts swimming.
More like the lake of Hades.
My doubts overshadowing my accomplishments.
Its these moments that i curse myself
Every time i FAILED popping up.
I am my hardest grader.
Where the rock slide of insults come from.
The coach that pushes one too hard.
Or just not the right way.
These moments when i wonder how hard things are.
And realize how hard they will get.
Or can be.
And in these moments i make the reaper grim
The deaths of my hopes gives the grim reaper
Calls and taunts. Teases and haunts.
But they're born again.
My phoenix dreams.
In these moments i kill them.
Feel they're fleeting whispers on my temple.
While i hate these moments i need them.
These moments while harsh push me.
When surrounded in darkness you jump even higher for the light.
In these moments where all i feel is sadness
I learn again and again that it is essential that i push for happiness.
When all is said and done, it is these moments that show me to burn in glory rather than perish in darkness.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

To Whom It May concern( Different)

I don't know when it was that I started to wonder if you were concerned.
I guess to most I may seem detached at home.
Sitting there on the computer all night with the music drowning out the world.
But your not supposed to fit into most.
Part of me wants to be left alone, but part of me wants you to wonder.
To see something other than a child breaking day.
To question the insomnia that chills on my shoulder.
Bo no. I'm greeted with a "maybe you should of went to sleep earlier."
Instead of a "why are you up all the time."
As my best friend you're supposed to dig deeper.
I feel a separation coming the closer we stay to each other.
I feel some type of what when I have to title this to whom it may concern instead of dear mother.

-interesting note... I started titling letter to whom it may concern because I saw it so much on my mother's letter to my school for various things, trips.. late notes absents ect.